Friday: at the office til 7:15 or so, wander home, meet Sophie, wander back to town and to the Dorset to meet Dan and Kerry. We drink, I am angry and excitable. To the Komedia where we meet Evil Pete, Steve and Yvonne for Victoria Hume and her band of merry men, who deliver a stonking selection of tracks and are followed by Circulus - "like Led Zeppelin if they'd never met Jimi Hendrix" as one wag put it. Tequila ensues, Steve and Yvonne decide that only morris dancing with toilet paper can express their inner groove.

We return to Rosehill. With tequila-fuelled righteousness coursing through our veins, Dan and I fight on the living room floor - DH Lawrence eat your heart out. I notice a strange pain in my back. Sleep follows.

Wake up on Saturday morning unable to move my head and realise I've managed to revive an injury from aikido a couple of years back. After a couple of hours walking round wincing I call in on Mr Gooby to let him know I shan't be attending his stag weekend paintball. I receive several text messages reminding me of my cowardice and weakness.

My day is spent being nursed until 6pm when a few of the guys from paintball who are staying on my floor turn up. We eat, we wander to the pub to meet up with the rest of the gang. We tipple, hard. Around 11 Mr Gooby remembers he hasn't eaten yet so it's all back to his, then dispersal towards the Concorde 2, where monkeys and drum'n'bass intersect in the form of Ape-X. I stay til around 2:30 in mild discomfort then wander home and await The Others.

From 4am onwards a selection of total strangers knock on the front door. They are invited in and plied with vodka. More familiar faces follow. A GP from South London passes out on my sofa. Paul and Ken arrive with Tam, the missing link between these unknowns and my own little social circle. The chess board is brought out. Kasparov is my bitch.

8:30am: the vodka runs out

8:45am: I commit to a barging holiday on the Norfolk broads with a group of total strangers.

9:00am: I throw everyone out and go to bed.

The Lords Day follows, painfully.